Porcelain Dolls

When I was a child I was fearless on the playground as i'm sure many of you can relate. I'd ride the dangerous metal merry go round where other kids threw up from going too fast, jump down from high areas, slide down the tree trunks that were actually meant to hold up the structure so that I ended up ripping my spandex sliding down, and dare to skip not just 4 but 5(!!! I was pretty badass as a child no?) bars on the monkey bars which left me on the ground on my back in pain for a good 5 minutes. When I did get hurt I would whine a little, maybe even cry a few tears, but then i'd just get over it and keep playing. For some reason as a kid you feel invincible. Growing up you realize how fallible you actually are. I used to never be afraid of getting hurt. I was a naive young child with a no holds barred thing going on. Nowadays, we have second thoughts going into things, into love and relationships, into people, into career fields, into trying new things, into missions trips, the list could go on. We deny ourselves opportunities and ambition because we're afraid of the unknown. Or maybe we've already experienced the worst of things and don't want to go through it again. We could say that we've just become more mature while weighing out the costs and benefits, but why does it feel like that's just an excuse and we're actually just scared?

What holds us back is pain and failure. Yet if we allow ourselves to look past that, we see that all pain does eventually heal and failures never become failures as long as you don't give up. These all build character and are lessons we learn. With God's love, you will always heal as long as you give it time and you allow yourself too. And with God's grace and love, your identity ultimately lies in Christ and you're not defined by anything else. So why not take risks? I see it as a fair opportunity cost to take if you look at what it is you want to achieve. I think it's well worth it. So I encourage you to find the kid in you and to not be scared to take those risks and live life.

To be honest, i'm not saying I have this completely down either, but what I do know is that I rather live a full life with scars than be a porcelain doll.

The Cycle

Sometimes in life we create another problem to avoid the first problem. But in the end, you just got more problems. People are complicated creatures.

On a side note, I find my spirit to be really restless lately. It's like i'm yearning for something and i'm not quite sure what that is yet.

On another side note, why is it that whenever I do video blogs, it always still freezes on such an unattractive face of mine? And please don't say it's because every face of mine is unattractive. harhar haha But really, every time I come to my blog I see it, and then it makes me a little sad because I look retarded. :(

Over Consumption

Whenever I go out to eat and I can't seem to finish my meal, I never force myself to finish it all. Yes yes, we all hear the argument of "there are starving kids in Africa", but despite the starving kids in Africa...the fact is i'm full. Why force myself to finish off the plate? My belief is that when I go to a restaurant, i'm ultimately paying to be full and satisfied. So if I were to force the rest of the food down, i'd end up feeling too full and uncomfortable...which simply conflicts with my goals. I'm also an Asian female who weighs less than 200 pounds (I weigh exactly 199 pounds, sup big girl). So does it make sense that the same portion of an pasta entree at the Cheesecake Factory is going to fill both me or a 175 pound male or a midget exactly the same way? Probably not. Just sayin'. I think that when you have just enough, then you should be content. Why force yourself to eat everything thats out in front of you? If there is an ample amount left over, then just take it home. This is why I don't like going to buffets cause it makes me feel like I fail at getting my money's worth and you don't get to bring anything back. The only exceptions I make for buffets are all you can eat Korean BBQ and sushi cause I am a huge meat person and I love sushi so I definitely can pull my weight there. I believe in eating to your heart's content and your stomach's worth. I also believe there is always a separate stomach for dessert. My main point is that we shouldn't feel forced to finish everything that is given to us. For example, you go to KFC and order the 12 wings deal but you find yourself full after 10 wings, but there's only 2 wings left so you might as well finish it off right? But if you're already full, then why? Often times we will over consume because we feel it is our right or duty to or just because we can. That's why Americans are kinda chubbs.

The American society is built on over consumption, not just in our eating habits but in so many other ways. The amount of clothes in our closet, the amount of junk in our garage, the amount of paper we don't recycle, the 30 pack of water bottles we buy instead of a filter, etc. Although consuming is what helps stimulate our economy, I find it a problem in our value system. It's all about consuming the best, new thing (i.e. all iProducts). And it's the same small percentage of the population that keeps consuming while others find themselves barely consuming. We just all need to find a balance. If we could all just be content with having enough, we'd have a lot more fulfillment. It's like when you're super hungry and you keep eating and eating cause you think you're still hungry, but if you were to stop and just wait for 10 minutes your brain is able to process that you're actually full. We constantly are consuming to satisfy every one of our human needs, but the thing is God always provides us with all we need, it's just hard to recognize it.

Not So Fatal Attraction

They say the prettiest girls are the happiest girls. I find a lot of truth in that statement.

I say the manliest men are the passionate men. Hold up, let's clear this theory up. When a guy is doing something they're passionate about, I find them incredibly attractive. It's not based on the fact on whether or not they're good at it, but the fact that they have a passion for it. We sometimes confuse our talents as our passion which are are two separate entities. But anyhow, it is the way their eyes light up, their fingers move, the sweat that drips, their uplifting spirit, the way their energy fills the room, it all lures me in. In general I believe that any person is most attractive when they are doing something they are passionate about. I find myself completely enticed and attracted to that person as I see them in action. There's this certain allurement and aura that just pulls you in as you see the light in their eyes gleam. It's inspiring. They hold this type of charisma that you can't help but want to be a part of that moment and their lives. In a way it's comparable to a child's smile like there's this untainted joy in it. And when someone's doing something they're passionate about, they look damn good doing it. You feel me?

On a separate level........however enticed I am, I will admit I also hold a bit of jealousy. At one point in my life I thought I knew what my passion was but Sophomore year that very passion drained me and became my burden. Things are different now but I still don't know what exactly my passion in life in. Sure I may love doing a lot of things and I may be a little bit talented in different areas but someday with the right timing and the other half luck, i'll find it. It's all trial and error from here on out.

Video Blog #1

Haven't been around much, was in LA yesterday and I got woken up early because i'm going to be in SD today. So I know you guys miss me, but don't fret, I gotchu! I recorded this the other night when I came back from something and...I am an absolute dork, I know. Just bare with me. haha Thanks!

Note: I already knew what celluite was, but I couldn't think of any other words I didn't know because if I didn't know them, then.....I wouldn't have been able to come up with the word. Make sense? Kinda a Catch-22. haha

Things to work on:

1. BE LESS AWKWARD.

2. Stop fidgeting.

3. BE LESS AWKWARDDDDDDDDD

Hope you didn't cringe too much watching it! And congrats if you made it all the way through! Because....I couldn't. haha

The Roads A Little Uneven

Today I woke up with a nice little surprise. My left eyeball was red. My face went into WTF mode when I saw that in the mirror. My poor eye. & no, it is not pink eye, I don't fart on my pillows and sleep on them. I got just a little bit more class than that, only a little though. haha So I set an apt for a walk in at the optometrist today.

Long story short, my eyes aren't infected but they're dry and were being restricted by my contacts and lack of oxygen yadda yadda. So I need to wear glasses for a week or so. And my left eye is in worse condition since it's red. However, I left my glasses in Norcal during spring break so I have to wait for my parents to Fed Ex/UPS them to me. So i'm not supposed to wear contacts in the meantime but I gotta be able to see so the optometrist told me to just wear one contact till I get my glasses since my right eye isn't as bad condition in my left. Dude, let me tell you, it feels weird.

My left eye is naturally worse than my right eye normally, so only having good eyesight in one eye gives me an unbalanced feeling. There's a certain distorted perception. But I find this so relevant to my life. I have one eye that can't see that well and is infected and can't make things out to what they are. But I also have one good eye that picks up the slack and has good sight. Together I can get by but it's not to my full potential and I feel unbalanced, uneven and uncomfortable. How can one eye see so perfectly but one eye be so inept. It's dragging the team down. How can you see such opposite sides of the spectrum and still be the same. Anyways, I gotta get more than my eyesight in check. Well I just gotta wait for my glasses and time for it to heal. Then i'll be back on top of my game. And those who like seeing me in my glasses, they're in luck because i'll be wearing them for a little while. It's nice because people automatically think i'm more mature and smarter. Which I am, btw. haaaaaaaaaha no really, I am!

Side note, we've been trying to have a weekly tradition of roomie dinners where one of us cook a meal for the apt. Jessica the Cambodian (on the way right) cooked us salad, bruschetta, pasta with clams and some wine on the side. It was really yummy. Next week, Vicki (the middle one) is supposed to cook and then me. Last week Lily (on the way left) brought home food from home and cooked us Vietnamese food. It was really good too! but a lot of fish sauce was involved. I hung out with some friends afterwards and they all made comments throughout the night that I smelled. Damn the Vietnamese. hahaha jk.

sorta. :P

Gay Or Douche?

All right it's spring quarter, which means the summers around the corner. The suns been making more of an appearance like a celebrity whose down on some bucks so he's making some more extra guest appearances for quick cash. And no one's complaining cause it's some good eye candy. I absolutely love the sun. I think the guys do too because summer means + heat which means - clothes which doing some more simple math means girls wear less clothes. However in this new generation, this also goes for the boys. Apparently tanks tops are no longer limited to the ladies but the fellows too. Which leaves me with one question................gay or douche?

Irvine being one of the leading hipsters and trend setters who most likely are actually bandwagoners, go ahead of the curve of fashion trends. And Irvine boys do like to sport the tanks. Now i'm not really hating but making only PURELY superficial judgmental statements here, but I believe only two types of guys wear these tanks and they are either A) Gay or B) A Douchebag.

For the reals, gay guys are trendy and douchebags like to show off that they bench some in a more fashionable taste than side cut off t-shirts. One of my gay friends told me he bought a see through tank and plans to wear it in the day. He showed me a picture and its not as bad as you think and he's quite the good looking, fashionable gay so he can definitely pull it off. And as for the douchebags, come on now, you can just tell by the look on their faces.

The sad thing about another common thing the gays and the douchebags share is that girls often fall in the trap of falling for one of either, or they're really unlucky, both categories. All I got to say about that one is GG.

SIDE NOTE: I'm going to make it more of a habit of post more frequently now. And comments can now be made by anyone now, so you don't have to be a blogger to give some input.

Miss Whatswong

I'm Watching You

HAHAHA what a creepy ass blog title, but....

Confession: I am a people watcher.

It may sound a bit creepy, but it's really not. It's just that I love observing others in their environment. People fascinate me. The way you can read someone's body language. The unconscious movements. The way someone's voice changes when they hit certain emotions. Shrieks when happy. Stutters when nervous. Lower and solemn when sad. Loud when angry. And no one is alike each other. Even with identical twins, there's always a little something that you can tell them apart by. God made each of us different. That's the beauty of it all. We're all different so we act and take in people and situations differently. One thing to someone may mean something completely different to another. Like pink starbursts to you may hold a different value than to me because of my first 8th grade boyfriend.

I think the perfect date would be going to Rite Aid to get the $1.29 scoop of ice cream, sit at a fairly populated public place and just well...simply watch people. hahaha Well not with a guy, who literally just sits there and....watches people like a creeper or checks out all the girls, but with a guy who's easy going and creative. It's fun because you start making up stories of their lives and who they are. Little chubby fat kid? He's probably the funny one who's the class clown. Blond haired, blue eyes little boy? All the girls in class probably have a crush on him, but he's too young to notice. Girl who's all Gucci'd, Prada'd out holding a chihuahua with a rhinestone collar? Materialistic HM bizznatch. Guy wearing Ed Hardy? Douchebag. Just said girl and guy together? Couple that everyone hates on at their parties, but still invite out of obligation and courtesy. Guy is super metro with a piercing on the right ear but holding a girl's hand? Guy who is gay but hasn't come out of the closet with a clueless girlfriend. haha Essentially what you're doing is making stereotypical judgments about people that have no real hold, but nevertheless it's still fun.

So if you catch me watching you.........don't worry, I probably just phased out and day dreamin'. ;)

Just Sayin', But Naw Really Now

Rihanna's song is kinda catchy but uhhhh dang, have you actually really listened to the lyrics?

Come here, rude boy boy
Can you get it up?
Come here, rude boy boy
Is you big enough?
Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me

Tonight I'm a give it to you harder
Tonight I'm a turn your body out
Relax, let me do it how I wanna
If you got it, I need it and I'm a put it down

Buckle up, I'm a give it to you stronger
Hands up, we can go a little longer
Tonight I'm a get a little crazy
Get a little crazy, baby

WHOA WHOA WHOA, Rihanna. You need to calmmmmmmmmmmmm down. We don't need to hear your sex life please. Damn. TMI. Also, if he's a rude boy, why are you throwing yourself at him then? Sigh. Another example of how all the guys that act like douchebags are the ones who get the lovin'. SAD. What happened to not supporting that stereotype? Come on Rihanna, you just got outta that relationship with Chris Brown. Let's calm down a little now please.

On a real note, that's how society is. Take what you really want to say, however crude or nasty but put a nice soundtrack/beat to it and people don't notice. Sex is everywhere. Magazines, pictures, music, commercials, etc. I kind of worry for my kids when i'm going to raise them. Too much grown up ness all around. Ehhh whatever, deal with it when it comes I guess. hahaha