Comprende?

I've noticed something. When someone shares a problem with someone, the person automatically tries to do two things. First, they try to pinpoint the problem/issue and then second, they try to solve it by giving their advice on how to handle it. Although at times the person may share in hopes of seeking a solution, I believe at times that another reason a person shares is to just simply share.

A common thing we may overlook is a person's wanting to be understood. Sometimes what the person really wants and needs is understanding, to have someone relate and understand what it is they're going through. What i'm talking about is not having sympathy and feeling sorry, but empathy and compassion. I have more thoughts on this but I can't sort them out at the moment. The main point is that I think understanding is understated. Being able to truly understand is how the start of how you can actually help a person. Understanding lets a person know they are not alone. And actions of help with understanding why makes a huge difference.

Understanding is really difficult though. How can you understand and feel what another person is going through? How can you relate to poverty in Africa when you've rarely skipped a meal, and that was probably because you were busy studying and getting an education? How can you relate to the homeless when you've had a roof over your head since birth? How can you relate to abuse when the only bruises you've receive were from tripping over something? This is where God comes in. God's love is able to connect it all. Pray for compassion. Oh man, I could say more but if I keep writing this post will be way too long. I'll stop here and finish up with another post to expand, but ya feels me?

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me


Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I go from nothing to eternity

My Actual Wish List

I've been eyeing this for awhile. I've been eyeing it for so long, the watch probably feels awkward and even a bit violated by now. It's a mens watch, but it's shexy and i'd wear it 24/7, literally because it's water resistant so I can tell time in the shower. Um....awesome much?!?! I think my swagger would double with this watch. If only I had a $100 dollar bill laying around......sighs.

A Weekend Well Spent

Last Thursday Feesh and Jtang visited for the weekend and it was sososo good! It was so nice to be hanging out with them in our hood. :) haha This picture is my favorite. HAHA Thanks to Jtang, we were able to get good parking where ever we went. Handicap friends are very useful.

Jess: Well you told me to look scared like I was on a ride! So I was holding on to the sides for my life!
Me: Yeah, holding on to the sides.....of a wheelchair! 

Hehehe Good times. Sorry i've been so MIA. I'll try hard to start posting (and drinking water) more regularly! haha

Got Any Extra Change, I Mean Love?

"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."
— Mother Teresa


Mother Tersea's got it to a T. To be emotionally hungry is much worse than being physically hungry. Someone's care sustains a person much longer than a loaf of bread. Humans are emotional beings. Imagine being unwanted, unloved, uncared for and forgotten by everybody. How horrible would that be? Could you imagine that? But there are people and animals out there who fit exactly in those categories. No one should be deprived of care and love. If we can't even give this to others, what kind of an unfortunate human race are we?


Love isn't always those pretty little hearts we draw. Love is realistically much more than that. Love isn't always easy. 

Care

Care (verb)

1. to be trouble or concerned; be affected emotionally

2. to have regard, affection, or consideration (for)

It's an interesting concept because it has to do with emotions and anything that has to do with emotions becomes a hell lot more complex. There are things in this world we care about that we d0n't want to care about, and things in this world that we simply do not care enough about; if only care were a tangible, rational matter...

We had our last fellowship on Friday and we held our Senior Well. Some Seniors shared their stories and at the end of the night I realized something. Sometimes people do things that make you look at them differently with annoyance, disappointment or even disgust, etc. or there are people who totally cut themselves from the world and seem to disappear from your life. It's easy to look at the superficial level and cast them away as people who just want to do their own thing, douchebags, disappointments or whatever but there's a deeper root. There are reasons. Although the easiest way to respond is with rebuke and judgement but that's the last thing needed. Instead of telling a person to stop doing whatever they're doing and why it's wrong, it's more important to ask why they are doing whatever they're doing and if they're doing okay. These actions are a cry for care. And since care is rooted from love, they are ultimately a cry for love. How could I not realize it before?? Thinking back on my life, I can clearly recall a couple of instances in my life where I needed someone to just simply care more than the normal amount, but my pride or this emptiness, hurt or whatever mess it was manifested into actions that wouldn't be recognizable for that need.

To be honest, human beings are selfish. We recognize our own needs and care for ourselves above all but that's messed up. The care i'm talking about that we need is extraordinary care. The type of care that doesn't stop at the first time or first rejection. It's like that guy at the bar who doesn't take no and keeps trying (okay perhaps not the best metaphor in this case, haha). The type of care that you go out of your way to show that you are here for them. The type of care that shows you want to be apart of whatever it is they're going through. It is the type of care that comes from God's extraordinary love. People do not heal with rebuke and judgement but with love. I'll be the first to admit that i'm not the best at this because with care comes different types of frustrations, energy, heart, time, patience, and trust in God but having been on both sides i'm starting to understand and i'm trying.

Been listening to this song every morning when I wake up for awhile now

Everybody, everbody wants to love

Everbody, everbody wants to be loved

I want you to know that although I may suck at caring, I do and i'm here for you, just let me know what you need.

The BBP Problem

Every girl deals with this in the past, present or future. It's called BBP, "Bad Boy Phase"

Why is it that every girl is attracted to the bad boy or the douche bag that they know isn't good for them? Some girls may be attracted to the bad boy because they want to be a "bad girl" but in most cases, it is because they want to change them. The paradox here is the girl is attracted to this bad boy because he isn't the goody two shoes, nice boy but they also want to be the girl who changes him to be that. We want to be that girl. The girl who he sets down his wayward ways for. The girl he changes for. The girl who turns him "good." If you're a girl, you know what i'm talking about to some degree. Maybe we enjoy the challenge. Maybe in some way, we enjoy the thrill of this chase. This is just parallel to how guys want to be the knight in shining armor, the knight who saves the damsel in distress. The hero of the story.

I will be the first to admit that yes, I used to be attracted to the "bad boy" who wasn't good for me. Throughout my high school years, those were the type of guys I liked. C, who was a year older than me and hung out with the "popular, cool guys." He had experience with alcohol, etc, etc since middle school and knew a lot more than me. He would text in the day, call at night and occasionally visit me and walk my dog with me. Or A, who smoked pot every lunch and skipped our 5th period class because of that. He somehow ended up dealing a bit to his friends because he had access to it. Sometimes I'd try and make sure he was on track with school to make sure his grades were decent. We would talk just about every day and a lot of our talks went into the night via phone or AIM. In general, I was never really the one to call, text or AIM first. Since early on, I was never too good at that with all my friends (but i'm much better now!). But I always responded positively because I always believed that both of these guys had a good heart and were good people, and they were. They just lived a different lifestyle that I didn't hold but held a curiosity to. They were good guys and I just wanted to bring it out more. I was a naive, optimistic, Christian girl so it was in my nature to want to influence them to be a better guy. It was also those same reasons I believed which is why they liked talking and being around me because my naiveness, optimism & silly ways were a breath of fresh air and I cared. Yet it was also because I was a naive, optimistic, Christian girl that I still held down my fundamental values, that we never became anything more than friends. Because when it came down to it, I would only date Christians. And the nice boys who liked me, I just saw them as friends.

And then came my freshman year in college where I met M, who was a little bit of both. A Christian boy, emphasis on boy. But that's another story.

In the end, despite that part in us as girls to want to help change these "bad boys," its not our place. We can love, care, influence and hope but it is ultimately up to God and them how their lives play out. Remember the second guy I mentioned, A? He's a really good guy and recently told me he's been thinking about checking out the churches around Irvine and that he might call me up to go with me one of these Sundays. And then he went to Vegas that weekend. One step at a time. haha Not that there's anything wrong with Vegas, haha it's all up to what you do in Vegas really.

These days i've been very inspired by the book "Blue Like Jazz." It's given me a lot to think about and re question myself. I want to bring the best out in people. I want to tap into my full potential. I want to and am capable of being so much more. And there's so much I want to learn about, such as true unconditional love for everyone and the limitations as humans we have. I need some intellectual stimulation. I need someone to ask the hard questions. If anyones down for a good conversation, let's grab some coffee. Someone rock my world please, intellectually speaking. hahaha

Papa Wong

I just got off the phone with my dad, i'm teary eyed & I just want to say that I love my dad.

As a daughter, I wouldn't say i'm the best daughter out there. In many ways, I still act like a child despite the years piling up and the maturity and responsibility that come along with those years are still over due. But my dad never wants me to worry, he wants me to lead a happy life and has always been so encouraging. Both my parents just tell me to try my best and that they love me no matter what. My dad always tries to make things easier for me and saves me from tough situations. He'll drive my car to Socal with me just so that I won't have to go through it, and then he'll go back up the next day. When i'm home, he'll cook steak for me because he knows I love meat and the way I like it done. Whenever I want to go hang out with my friends, he'll always let me go and tells me he's glad I have so many friends and that i'm so social. I have no curfew but sometimes at like 3AM when I come back, he'll be up watching TV just to make sure I got home safe. And every time I fail, my dad tells me it's okay and to never be afraid to tell him because he'll never scold me for my mistakes. Just like God, my dad shows me an immense amount of grace, especially since I seems to always make the same mistakes.

My dad is and has always been the only man in my life. He is the most honest man I know and he is such a good person. Stress is evident in his life from his responsibilities but he provides our family however best he can. My dad is the best guy I know and I can only hope that one day I will be able to marry a man that carries the same qualities and good heart that my dad has, and then my children will also be able to experience the same love and care that I had growing up.

Hands down, my dad is the best dad ever.

Benny

Going down memory lane.

I absolutely loved Benny.

Benny was my parakeet. I had him while I was probably in 3rd/4th grade. Before him I owned numerous pets including turtles, a kitten and fishes (fishes were my least favorite), but there was something about him that for some reason, he was the first pet I loved. He was a mix of blue, yellow and green. I remember asking my parents for a long time if I could own a parakeet and they resisted at first. I would go to the library to read books on how to own and take care of one. I promised my parents I would be so happy and would take care of it really well. And finally my parents allowed me, we went to Petco and I took home Benny. I have no idea why I named him that, but I did.

I would wake up early Saturday mornings, go out to the living room and dance and sing in front of the bird cage to entertain him. While I did homework, he would sit perched on my hand pecking at my pencil as I did math problems or wrote out whatever papers I had to do. Sometimes he'd poo on the page, and me being retarded didn't want to rewrite the whole thing or it'd be a hw sheet given out that I couldn't reproduce so i'd clean it up a little but turn in the stained thing. Gross I know. Dog ate the homework? Nah, parakeet poo-ed on my homework. He'd fly around the whole house and i'd lure him to me with my arm arched and millet in my hand. He never really let me pet him which stunk. But anyways, I loved him and his chirping. So he wouldn't be lonely, we bought him another parakeet which I named Joey (after Friends). I didn't like Joey as much but he was cool I guess.

We'd let the birds fly around the house for freedom and one night I was watching TV in my room and didn't want them to fly in so I slammed the door shut, but as I did Benny tried flying in the room. He got caught between the door and fell to the ground. I screamed, brought him to my parents and we put him in a shoe box as we got into the car to bring him to a vet. But for some reason we never drove out, maybe we had lost hope that he wouldn't make it or he had already died and as a child, I didn't know. I carried him in my hands in the car as I cried. I had killed him by accident. That could possibly be the worst feeling in the world, to kill something you love. THe hands that I had fed Benny with, the hands that he had perched on, the hands that were perched under my chin as i'd stare at him and make faces, were the same hands that closed the door in a hurry and brought him to his undeserved death. My parents eventually left me alone in the car and I stayed there I don't know for how long, sobbing, holding him in that shoe box. Benny was gone. I still had Joey but I didn't care, it was Benny who I loved. I don't remember how long it took me to get over it.

For some reason today while I was at Bon Epi trying to write my paper, I looked out the window and missed him.

We learn to love new things, but we never forget the old. There's still an attachment. I haven't gone down this memory lane for years, and i'm surprised that right now i'm actually crying.

I miss you old friend.