Nothing New Under The Sun

Once in awhile you feel unoriginal. And i'm not just talking about how my name is Tiffany Wong. You feel as though every emotion you've ever had, every situation you've ever been in, every way in which you've existed is a repeat of someone's history. And best case scenario, it's not a total repeat but a spin off. You may be described to have the grace of Audrey Hepburn, the humor of Ellen DeGeneres, the independence of Joan the Arc or the relationship instability of Kim Kardashian, but everything described about you is in terms of other people. Ya feels me? Anyone? You ever hear of that theory that every sound has been produced in this world already by nature? No man made sound is truly original because nature has already created it.

At this point in time, I am no Beethoven's No. 5 Symphony, I am no Michael Jackson's Thriller, I am a mash up of all the influences i've let into my life. And it's a beautiful thing really, to make sense of all the unconventional pairings of the things, situations, people and places that have shaped my life. Although you may never be something completely new, you are still unique.

Is It Still Considered Moving On If...

4 years ago...

I had no problem moving from my home in Norcal to Socal, where I was to spend the next 4 years in college in a city I only knew existed not that long ago and knew nothing about. The word homesick was never in my dictionary my Freshman or Sophomore year.

2 years ago...

I had no problem leaving California my Junior year to spend 4 months studying abroad in Hong Kong. And while those 4 months were incredibly awesome and memorable, I had no problem coming back home to California.

1 year ago...

I had no problem leaving California once again the summer after my Junior year to go to the United Kingdom to spend 6 weeks for travel study. And while that too was a memorable experience, I had no problem coming back home to California.

In about 3 weeks...

I will be done with my undergraduate career.

You see, moving on to somewhere new and different or even home and familiar has never been a problem for me. I'm not one to grasp hold of their mommy and never want to fly from the nest or despise coming home either. During these well lived years in college, one thing i've learned about myself is that I am an adapter and quite independent also, most likely due to my upbringing. And in some odd way, I seemed to have compartmentalize each experience. I don't know if i'll be able to explain it right, but let me try. With each of these experiences i've made different set of wonderful friends and a large variety of great memories. Yet instead of wishing it would last longer and dwelling on the past, I enjoy it for what it was and am ready to move on to the next adventure. At times I actually feel guilty for not being as sappy and sentimental as the others and don't get me wrong, I do miss everything and everyone and there are times where I get nostalgic. I guess what i'm trying to say is that I understand that change is inevitable, it happens and it is constant, so I just go on with the flow to where ever it'll lead me. Maybe it's the rational, realistic side of that kicks in, but I guess you could say i'm a rational, realistic free spirit if that makes any sense. haha

So here I am in Irvine with a couple more weeks of my undergrad left to complete. I used to plan to teach abroad in Asia for a year but mid Senior year my plans changed. For some odd reason, homesickness kicked in and I felt called to go home and be a daughter. I want to be home with my parents who have missed me so much as i've ventured all over the world these past couple of years and home feels so right for me right now. One day i'll be ready to move on to be on my own, but not just yet.

So is it still considered moving on if i'm moving back home? If i'm moving to where it all began and where I started?

Rhetorical question because I would say so. I'm moving into this new chapter of my life with a different mindset. I'm no longer the naive girl I was 4 years ago, which I carry a bittersweet feeling about. I am now a 22 year strong, independent woman and I am going to take the Bay by storm once I get back. ;) But honestly for once I am scared and worried what these next few years will bring, especially because I 95% plan to make a life changing decision. But it's okay, because I am a natural adapter...........and because it's all in God's loving hands.

P.S. Out of all my experiences, I will miss the people in Irvine the most and their everyday presence in my life. I don't know what I will do without a majority of them in Norcal. That and Tastea. hahah jk but I am seriously #1 secret Tastea promoter. I've popped so many people's Tastea cherry, it's disgusting.

P.S.S. Ugh, I am up too late. Goodnight world.

Goodbye Cali, Hello Seattle

Came back today from spending a few days in Seattle with the bestie. It was nice to get away from Cali and see her face and Seattle lifestyle, which is pretty different from Cali. Here we are in front of one of the signs of her school. It went by super quick & I had lot of fun. & I made it through the bipolar weather despite being a weather baby. haha I am wearing 4 layers in this picture.

Things I Did

- met a lot of Steph's friends

- Ice blocking at night, basically you buy blocks of ice and you place a towel on them and you ride them down a grassy hill. kinda dirty, kinda fun

- Pikes place, it seems kind of similar to SF fisherman's wharf to me. & they were selling sooooo many beautiful flowers

- Went to the 1st Starbucks opened

- Canoeing into the wilderness and freeways haha we got to see birds, fed the ducks right next to canoe and also scare turtles away

- Saw the city at night

- Went to the Seattle bars

- Molly Moon's ice cream

- Walked around the University of Washington

- Went to a boba place called WOW that played old school Christian music and the plastic that seals the cup each has a bible verse on it. haha interesting concept, but it's a really popular place and their smoothies are delicious

- Pushed a van in a busy street. haha We were a sight to see. At least there were some friendly people that helped

- Baked apple pies, lemon bars and brownies, we smelled delicious.

That's basically the gist of it. :) It was a good time spent. & I am exhausted. Goodnight.

The Roads A Little Uneven

Today I woke up with a nice little surprise. My left eyeball was red. My face went into WTF mode when I saw that in the mirror. My poor eye. & no, it is not pink eye, I don't fart on my pillows and sleep on them. I got just a little bit more class than that, only a little though. haha So I set an apt for a walk in at the optometrist today.

Long story short, my eyes aren't infected but they're dry and were being restricted by my contacts and lack of oxygen yadda yadda. So I need to wear glasses for a week or so. And my left eye is in worse condition since it's red. However, I left my glasses in Norcal during spring break so I have to wait for my parents to Fed Ex/UPS them to me. So i'm not supposed to wear contacts in the meantime but I gotta be able to see so the optometrist told me to just wear one contact till I get my glasses since my right eye isn't as bad condition in my left. Dude, let me tell you, it feels weird.

My left eye is naturally worse than my right eye normally, so only having good eyesight in one eye gives me an unbalanced feeling. There's a certain distorted perception. But I find this so relevant to my life. I have one eye that can't see that well and is infected and can't make things out to what they are. But I also have one good eye that picks up the slack and has good sight. Together I can get by but it's not to my full potential and I feel unbalanced, uneven and uncomfortable. How can one eye see so perfectly but one eye be so inept. It's dragging the team down. How can you see such opposite sides of the spectrum and still be the same. Anyways, I gotta get more than my eyesight in check. Well I just gotta wait for my glasses and time for it to heal. Then i'll be back on top of my game. And those who like seeing me in my glasses, they're in luck because i'll be wearing them for a little while. It's nice because people automatically think i'm more mature and smarter. Which I am, btw. haaaaaaaaaha no really, I am!

Side note, we've been trying to have a weekly tradition of roomie dinners where one of us cook a meal for the apt. Jessica the Cambodian (on the way right) cooked us salad, bruschetta, pasta with clams and some wine on the side. It was really yummy. Next week, Vicki (the middle one) is supposed to cook and then me. Last week Lily (on the way left) brought home food from home and cooked us Vietnamese food. It was really good too! but a lot of fish sauce was involved. I hung out with some friends afterwards and they all made comments throughout the night that I smelled. Damn the Vietnamese. hahaha jk.

sorta. :P

Sweet & Sour

This week and weekend has been full of randomness, pretty faces and fun. Laser tag, fields, nearby wolf/coyote attack, mexican fruit carts, free Common, B.O.B & the Cool Kids concert, Class 302, Tastea & babysitting on Good Friday. My arms are sore, my legs are tired, my tummy is full and I am just exhausted. But I am thankful for these times, it puts the last quarter of my senior year to a good start.

Today was Easter Sunday. I remember when it used to mean just being the best at finding eggs and eating all the candy later. But it means so much more. I went into the service hoping to listen to some good Word because i've been dry lately and i've been craving to hear a good message, a reminder of the God I live for. So I went in into today's service with the mindset of the son who had left home and wandered away and spent all his money but finally came back to his father. However the message of David and Goliath was spoken, and although it may have hit others, it missed me. But I am reminded that I can not count on Sundays to be my main meal course, I need to constantly pursue Him in my own time. Why am I so stubborn and lazy? I am waiting for someone else to sweep my off my feet with His word, rather than going to the word myself. I've known this forever but never made a change. And this seems to be my tag line but they say it's insanity to do the same thing over and over and expect different results.

Time to change it up and try something new.

No reason in finding people to feed you, when you can just feed yourself.

Finally Time To Blog

So much has happened since my last post, but also it feels as nothing has changed either. Weird feeling that i'm not sure how to explain so we'll stick to the superficial things about break. hahah To sum a good amount of it up...Spring Break included a lost phone :(((, Vegas, an interview, no internet, hang outs, started off my break with food poisoning and ending it with another sickness and sore throat. Sounds more bad than good almost, haha but it was a good break overall. :) I wanted to do a lot more but time or health didn't really permit it so. Break was way too short though and i'm not really to go back to school but alas I must. Norcal is where the heart is, but I must admit I missed Socal (or more like some faces in Socal) a great deal too.

During the break, this imagery popped into my mind. It was the image of a little white rabbit that was trapped in a pet cage. And the cage was lifted up but the rabbit wouldn't leave for a little while, even though it was given the chance to be free.

But that flinch of hesitation, which may just be a second or even 10 minutes, the rabbit stays inside its cage even though the cage is lifted. Isn't that a ridiculous idea? There's nothing standing between the rabbit and its freedom but for some odd reason, it doesn't want to leave. Perhaps there is a comfort inside the cage, its just comfortable staying inside rather than leaving to go to the outside world. It has grown attachment to it's 12 by 12 space in the cage. It doesn't realize that it can leave and that there is much more out there. But that flinch of hesitation is just hesitation and the rabbit flees its cage. And once the rabbit leaves the cage, it runs for all it's got and it'll never come back, unless caught again. It just has to get over its initial fear and leave.

True Story

What can I say? Humans are complicated creatures.

I'm Watching You

HAHAHA what a creepy ass blog title, but....

Confession: I am a people watcher.

It may sound a bit creepy, but it's really not. It's just that I love observing others in their environment. People fascinate me. The way you can read someone's body language. The unconscious movements. The way someone's voice changes when they hit certain emotions. Shrieks when happy. Stutters when nervous. Lower and solemn when sad. Loud when angry. And no one is alike each other. Even with identical twins, there's always a little something that you can tell them apart by. God made each of us different. That's the beauty of it all. We're all different so we act and take in people and situations differently. One thing to someone may mean something completely different to another. Like pink starbursts to you may hold a different value than to me because of my first 8th grade boyfriend.

I think the perfect date would be going to Rite Aid to get the $1.29 scoop of ice cream, sit at a fairly populated public place and just well...simply watch people. hahaha Well not with a guy, who literally just sits there and....watches people like a creeper or checks out all the girls, but with a guy who's easy going and creative. It's fun because you start making up stories of their lives and who they are. Little chubby fat kid? He's probably the funny one who's the class clown. Blond haired, blue eyes little boy? All the girls in class probably have a crush on him, but he's too young to notice. Girl who's all Gucci'd, Prada'd out holding a chihuahua with a rhinestone collar? Materialistic HM bizznatch. Guy wearing Ed Hardy? Douchebag. Just said girl and guy together? Couple that everyone hates on at their parties, but still invite out of obligation and courtesy. Guy is super metro with a piercing on the right ear but holding a girl's hand? Guy who is gay but hasn't come out of the closet with a clueless girlfriend. haha Essentially what you're doing is making stereotypical judgments about people that have no real hold, but nevertheless it's still fun.

So if you catch me watching you.........don't worry, I probably just phased out and day dreamin'. ;)

Benny

Going down memory lane.

I absolutely loved Benny.

Benny was my parakeet. I had him while I was probably in 3rd/4th grade. Before him I owned numerous pets including turtles, a kitten and fishes (fishes were my least favorite), but there was something about him that for some reason, he was the first pet I loved. He was a mix of blue, yellow and green. I remember asking my parents for a long time if I could own a parakeet and they resisted at first. I would go to the library to read books on how to own and take care of one. I promised my parents I would be so happy and would take care of it really well. And finally my parents allowed me, we went to Petco and I took home Benny. I have no idea why I named him that, but I did.

I would wake up early Saturday mornings, go out to the living room and dance and sing in front of the bird cage to entertain him. While I did homework, he would sit perched on my hand pecking at my pencil as I did math problems or wrote out whatever papers I had to do. Sometimes he'd poo on the page, and me being retarded didn't want to rewrite the whole thing or it'd be a hw sheet given out that I couldn't reproduce so i'd clean it up a little but turn in the stained thing. Gross I know. Dog ate the homework? Nah, parakeet poo-ed on my homework. He'd fly around the whole house and i'd lure him to me with my arm arched and millet in my hand. He never really let me pet him which stunk. But anyways, I loved him and his chirping. So he wouldn't be lonely, we bought him another parakeet which I named Joey (after Friends). I didn't like Joey as much but he was cool I guess.

We'd let the birds fly around the house for freedom and one night I was watching TV in my room and didn't want them to fly in so I slammed the door shut, but as I did Benny tried flying in the room. He got caught between the door and fell to the ground. I screamed, brought him to my parents and we put him in a shoe box as we got into the car to bring him to a vet. But for some reason we never drove out, maybe we had lost hope that he wouldn't make it or he had already died and as a child, I didn't know. I carried him in my hands in the car as I cried. I had killed him by accident. That could possibly be the worst feeling in the world, to kill something you love. THe hands that I had fed Benny with, the hands that he had perched on, the hands that were perched under my chin as i'd stare at him and make faces, were the same hands that closed the door in a hurry and brought him to his undeserved death. My parents eventually left me alone in the car and I stayed there I don't know for how long, sobbing, holding him in that shoe box. Benny was gone. I still had Joey but I didn't care, it was Benny who I loved. I don't remember how long it took me to get over it.

For some reason today while I was at Bon Epi trying to write my paper, I looked out the window and missed him.

We learn to love new things, but we never forget the old. There's still an attachment. I haven't gone down this memory lane for years, and i'm surprised that right now i'm actually crying.

I miss you old friend.

Pick Me Up & Let's Go Somewhere

Photo taken by the beautiful & talented Felicia

Waiting.

Sometimes when you're not sure about something, all you can do is wait. I'm waiting for something and I don't know what. Perhaps an opportunity to come and whisk me away. To sweep me away under the current, where I don't have any control. Sometimes control is unnecessary when you want to truly embrace an experience. Life at times can seem to be just routine and mundane, nothing is really a surprise. The same things happen in just different contexts. The same situation, with different people. Same same but different different. Not to say my friends bore me or anything because my friends are amazing. But we can't get too comfortable with life. Life and God has so much to offer and I want to take all that it has to offer. There is so much out there I don't know about. The raw humanness of the homeless. The sunrise on top of a mountain. How a computer is made from scratch. The sorrows of a single mother. The innocence in child's smile. The regrets of an unsuccessful gambler. Beautiful scenery. God's love and grace.

Breathless moments. Excitement. Adventure. Passion. Sadness. Beauty. Love.

There's a lot of experiences that I have yet to experience. Emotions for me to feel. Stories I have yet to hear. Stories I have yet to tell. People I have yet to meet. Ships of the friend I have yet to develop. Risks I have yet to take. And finding my personal legend.

I want it all. I don't want to miss out on anything or anyone.