Not So Fatal Attraction

They say the prettiest girls are the happiest girls. I find a lot of truth in that statement.

I say the manliest men are the passionate men. Hold up, let's clear this theory up. When a guy is doing something they're passionate about, I find them incredibly attractive. It's not based on the fact on whether or not they're good at it, but the fact that they have a passion for it. We sometimes confuse our talents as our passion which are are two separate entities. But anyhow, it is the way their eyes light up, their fingers move, the sweat that drips, their uplifting spirit, the way their energy fills the room, it all lures me in. In general I believe that any person is most attractive when they are doing something they are passionate about. I find myself completely enticed and attracted to that person as I see them in action. There's this certain allurement and aura that just pulls you in as you see the light in their eyes gleam. It's inspiring. They hold this type of charisma that you can't help but want to be a part of that moment and their lives. In a way it's comparable to a child's smile like there's this untainted joy in it. And when someone's doing something they're passionate about, they look damn good doing it. You feel me?

On a separate level........however enticed I am, I will admit I also hold a bit of jealousy. At one point in my life I thought I knew what my passion was but Sophomore year that very passion drained me and became my burden. Things are different now but I still don't know what exactly my passion in life in. Sure I may love doing a lot of things and I may be a little bit talented in different areas but someday with the right timing and the other half luck, i'll find it. It's all trial and error from here on out.

Is It Still Considered Moving On If...

4 years ago...

I had no problem moving from my home in Norcal to Socal, where I was to spend the next 4 years in college in a city I only knew existed not that long ago and knew nothing about. The word homesick was never in my dictionary my Freshman or Sophomore year.

2 years ago...

I had no problem leaving California my Junior year to spend 4 months studying abroad in Hong Kong. And while those 4 months were incredibly awesome and memorable, I had no problem coming back home to California.

1 year ago...

I had no problem leaving California once again the summer after my Junior year to go to the United Kingdom to spend 6 weeks for travel study. And while that too was a memorable experience, I had no problem coming back home to California.

In about 3 weeks...

I will be done with my undergraduate career.

You see, moving on to somewhere new and different or even home and familiar has never been a problem for me. I'm not one to grasp hold of their mommy and never want to fly from the nest or despise coming home either. During these well lived years in college, one thing i've learned about myself is that I am an adapter and quite independent also, most likely due to my upbringing. And in some odd way, I seemed to have compartmentalize each experience. I don't know if i'll be able to explain it right, but let me try. With each of these experiences i've made different set of wonderful friends and a large variety of great memories. Yet instead of wishing it would last longer and dwelling on the past, I enjoy it for what it was and am ready to move on to the next adventure. At times I actually feel guilty for not being as sappy and sentimental as the others and don't get me wrong, I do miss everything and everyone and there are times where I get nostalgic. I guess what i'm trying to say is that I understand that change is inevitable, it happens and it is constant, so I just go on with the flow to where ever it'll lead me. Maybe it's the rational, realistic side of that kicks in, but I guess you could say i'm a rational, realistic free spirit if that makes any sense. haha

So here I am in Irvine with a couple more weeks of my undergrad left to complete. I used to plan to teach abroad in Asia for a year but mid Senior year my plans changed. For some odd reason, homesickness kicked in and I felt called to go home and be a daughter. I want to be home with my parents who have missed me so much as i've ventured all over the world these past couple of years and home feels so right for me right now. One day i'll be ready to move on to be on my own, but not just yet.

So is it still considered moving on if i'm moving back home? If i'm moving to where it all began and where I started?

Rhetorical question because I would say so. I'm moving into this new chapter of my life with a different mindset. I'm no longer the naive girl I was 4 years ago, which I carry a bittersweet feeling about. I am now a 22 year strong, independent woman and I am going to take the Bay by storm once I get back. ;) But honestly for once I am scared and worried what these next few years will bring, especially because I 95% plan to make a life changing decision. But it's okay, because I am a natural adapter...........and because it's all in God's loving hands.

P.S. Out of all my experiences, I will miss the people in Irvine the most and their everyday presence in my life. I don't know what I will do without a majority of them in Norcal. That and Tastea. hahah jk but I am seriously #1 secret Tastea promoter. I've popped so many people's Tastea cherry, it's disgusting.

P.S.S. Ugh, I am up too late. Goodnight world.

My Voice Is Kaputz

Side Note: Okay please don't say you can't tell at all because I think it might have gotten a little better because listening to it I don't sound as bad as I did this morning, but my voice is DEFINITELY raspy. I feel it in my throat! haha It is absolutely horrible in the morning, I can barely get any words out at first because my throat decides to completely close up or something as a terrible joke that my body likes to play on me.

Side Note2: Thinking about it.....it might've actually helped more if coming back to my apt, I had just gone to bed and gotten more sleep rather than recording that. If you know me, you'd know i'm not the best at taking care of my health.

Side Note3: Edge Senior banquet 2010 was awesome! Each class from the Edge is so talented and amazing, definitely felt the love and hard work. I think my favorite parts were all the videos.

Air Out Your Dirty Laundry

3 Reasons Why This Pertains To My Life At The Moment

1. I think I just accidentally spent my whole 1st paycheck on Victoria Secret's Semi annual sale online. Yay for more underwear caught in small tornadoes!

2. I wish our apt had an indoor washer/dryer; strangers near my laundry is kind of an unsettling feeling.

3. I am getting near the desperate need of doing my laundry, like an unattractive guy with no date the day before prom kind of desperate. I've just been so busy lately there hasn't been much time to run errands. :( le sigh

Substantials posts have yet to come, perhaps i'm just getting all my thoughts sorted at for now. Until then, here are the light hearted posts. :)

Sungod

So last Friday I decided last minute and spontaneously joined my friends and go to Sungod at UCSD. I was able to use a friend's ID to get a ticket and saved myself $40. Sungod is an all day/night event where majority of the students basically gets drunk and/or high during the day and chill. Freakin felt like I was hot boxing in the outdoor tent. Ridiculous. -__- (Side note: I've never smoked pot and don't ever plan to). Not exactly my thing, but I decided to just go since it was my last year and what's a college experience without a Sungod one? Two words. Superrrrrrrrr fun. There were obstacle courses (where I think I got a bruise), a performance tent, a dance tent, bomb ass huge $8 italian sausages and performances by Michelle Branch, Thrice, B.O.B, Relient K and Drake. It was all pretty awesome and I got to spend a lot of time with friends. :)

This is Lily on her drunk ass trying to climb to the 2nd floor to find a bathroom because she really needed to pee. And this is me being a good friend just letting her and taking a picture because I knew she wouldn't get anywhere. Two girls working there shouted at her to get down. haha What a nub.

Going to get Mexican for lunch to coat the stomach for a little daytime drinking.

Awww, aren't we a cute bunch? :)

I'm really glad I decided to go to Sungod. it was super chill and I got to meet up with a lot of people that i've been wanting to see for awhile. All in all, a good weekend spent. But my body is superrrrrrrr sleep raped; I really need that day where I get to sleep in so much that you might confuse for me in a coma.

And You Are......?

Recently a guy came into my work and asked "Is your name by chance, Tiffany?" I met him like 3 weeks ago and was surprised he remembered my name. I recognized him but I definitely didn't remember his name, not even the first letter. Strategically avoiding addressing him by name, I continued on with some small talk then made an excuse to leave rather than ask him for his name again because I felt too guilty. I came back home and mentioned to Lillian that I found it amazing when people are able to recall names so well. I met him once like 3 weeks ago and he remembered; I would never be able to do that. Sadly she didn't share my amazement and replied "He's good at remembering names and you're horrible at it." The glass shatters.

Damn, she's got me to a T on that one. I used to call one of my roommates old boyfriends Barnyard instead of Brienyard. Another time I asked my other roommate why her mom named her brother Abraham only to be answered that his name was Lincoln. In general, I forget a lot of names the moment I meet them. Sometimes when they introduce them to me, their names don't even reach my ears. It's like i'm just waiting for them to finish their introductions so I can introduce myself rather than hearing them say their names. Aren't introductions just to be polite? Just like some economic courses i've taken, you learn it to just learn it but in real life it's rarely applicable. Most of the time I doubt i'll ever have to use their names again so why even bother remembering it? And it goes both ways cause I don't expect them to remember mine-except sometimes I do see them again and they do remember my name, then a little FML kicks in.

Honestly though? The truth is subconsciously I probably just don't care enough to remember their names. In a way, I'm a bitch about it. Like the guy who came into my work? Although I did feel too bad to ask for his name again, I probably didn't ask because I didn't find it worth the effort since I figured I wouldn't see him again (Epic fail because he came in again the next day). I didn't see the significance in even trying to memorize it. He is one among thousands of people that lives will cross mine for a brief moment. What's the point in remembering all their names? But you know what? It's a biznatch move to make. Just how cocky/stuck up is it of me to think that someone isn't important enough to remember their name?

As part of me growing up and improving myself, i'm going to make some changes starting with this one. I am going to remember everyone's name I meet. So far i've been trying to really listen when they introduce themselves and repeat their names in my head. When I leave, I try to say "It was nice meeting you ______." I remember when I was a freshman in college and feeling special when people remembered my name, especially people older than me. I was just some little insignificant freshman but they knew my name. Even to this day, when people I don't expect to remember my name do, it's huge surprise to me. Remembering someone's name is a great quality to have. It shows care, it's warm and humbling in a way. It's more personal than an "ay girl" or "sup boy." It shows you care and the person is special enough for you to remember who they are. And everyone is special enough for me to remember their name. It's always nice to be remembered. :)

Side note: I like the way people find different ways to call my name or just the way they say my name. It's kind of sweet.

Haveeeee.........You Met Lily?

Lily is my room mate, it's 2AM and we're both online sitting in the room, her at her desk and me in bed and all of a sudden...

ch1ngalilly (2:00:20 AM): PEENUSSS
pinkxpandaz (2:00:27 AM): .....
ch1ngalilly (2:00:41 AM): like dis
pinkxpandaz (2:00:43 AM): reminds me of 100c when u drew penis all over my notes
ch1ngalilly (2:00:50 AM): 8=====D
pinkxpandaz (2:00:50 AM): im watching you
ch1ngalilly (2:00:53 AM): oops
ch1ngalilly (2:00:57 AM): that's not supposed to happen
pinkxpandaz (2:01:01 AM): and glaring
ch1ngalilly (2:01:05 AM): 8===== D
ch1ngalilly (2:01:07 AM): there we goes
ch1ngalilly (2:01:11 AM): depending on how deep you go
ch1ngalilly (2:01:15 AM): it could be this too
ch1ngalilly (2:01:19 AM): 8=D
ch1ngalilly (2:01:21 AM): oops
pinkxpandaz (2:01:22 AM): ...........
ch1ngalilly (2:01:25 AM): 8= D
ch1ngalilly (2:01:29 AM): deep throatin
ch1ngalilly (2:01:30 AM): woot
pinkxpandaz (2:01:30 AM): ..................

This is what I deal with on a daily basis. The weird part? I'm going to miss this when college ends.

P.S. You get two high fives and a booty bump if you understood my blog title reference.