Ghost Of An Existence

When you start moving out, you start to pack. A vital component of packing is determining what's to be kept and thrown away. Things such as old midterms and notes are tossed right away, especially those midterms that share the same number as an anorexic girl's weight. But then you get to the sentimental stuff and it's a different story. Small things like old notes, old pictures, small gifts, letters, birthday cards, movie and concert stubs, even business cards of people you know or restaurants you go to and random crap are put into in a box to be kept aside. No matter what, they have a place in your heart and you can't bear to throw them away. After living in this apartment for the last couple of years, things have accumulated. And coincidently things have changed.

It's crazy coming across an old birthday card from a person you barely talk to anymore. Or encouragement notes from people who you had barely knew at the time but now you've gotten to know them better. A silly gift from the guy you dated before. A picture of a group hangout from freshman year that you look back and it just looks so foreign now. A ticket stub of a bad movie you saw with friends. Memories flood in and it's as if you're dealing with the ghost of an existence. A slight taste of bittersweetness kicks in. Sometimes people come in your life and stay. But sometimes people come in and out of your life for only brief moments of time and at some points, you may have even been attached at the hip. And reading through these old notes or going through these old pictures reminds you of times you've spent with the person. These last 4 years at UCI have gone by so quickly, it's crazy.

I think the craziest thing is that on the other side of the spectrum, i've written plenty of cards, encouragement notes, graduation cards to the years above me, picture and given random things to other people. But at this very exact moment in time, what place do I hold in that person's life? A good friend? An acquaintance? Someone foreign now? Or am I just a ghost of a past existence?

What ever it is, I hope the memories we have are ones you can look back on and smile. And if we're lucky, we'll create even better memories in the days ahead.

It seems as through the whole process of moving out leaves a taste that's a little more bitter than bittersweet.