The Best Kind Of Ships

Red ships. Blue ships.

but the best kind of ships

are Friendships.

Every kind of relationship takes works. There's understanding each other, hashing things out, giving in when need be, caring for each other and last but definitely not least, loving each other. My friendship will always be up for grabs for anyone because I love people. But the certain ones that we've invested time and care and have gotten close, I really value those friendships. Those small handful of people I call my good friends, I view their friendships just the same way I view marriage. It's a commitment. & at the end of the day, I just want to grow old with you. As time goes on, people change and naturally our feelings will change too. Yeah there will be days of frustration and annoyances but those days will follow up with forgiveness and smiles. And as sad as it is, there might be a day where you feel like your love for the person diminishes. But a commitment is a commitment & I want you to know that i'll always be there for the long haul and I got your back. We go through life experiencing different things and those experiences will continually shape who we are. Whoever you turn to out to be, I will always love you for you, though at times it may be hard. I'm thankful for all the gems that God has placed in my life. But we all know that relationships are a two way street so let's never give up on each other yeah? :]

There's Always Two Sides To Every Story...

Came across this & thought i'd share...

Her Side of the Story

He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it.

I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.

We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me?

I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, and he said “No”.

But I wasn’t really sure.

So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him, and he just put his arm around me! I didn’t know what the hell that meant because, you know, he doesn’t say it back or anything.

We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to break up with me! Why didn’t he want to talk about this? So I tried to ask him about it, but he just switched on the TV. Why would he rather watch TV than talk to me?

Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep, hoping he would get the hint that I was upset and wanted to talk. I was so hurt that he was out there watching TV while I was in here going through emotional turmoil.

Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex.

I thought that maybe he would open up after we shared an intimate experience like that, but he still seemed really distracted. So afterward, I just wanted to leave because I was so upset, but I just cried myself to sleep.

He didn’t even notice how upset I was! I don’t know, I just don’t know what he thinks anymore. I don’t know what to feel anymore. I’m on emotional overload. I’m so confused. I don’t think he loves me anymore.

Why does he have to play mind games with me? I mean, do you! think he’s met someone else???

His Side of the Story

Lakers lost. Felt kinda tired. Got laid though.

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HAHAHA

Actually it's not really funny because the sad thing is that it's so true.
I shared this with my roomie and we both agreed on how stupid but how accurate it's representation was.

Guys are simple & dipshits and girls think too much.
That's just kind of how it is.

All Over The Place

Wow.

I am so incredibily drained,

physically.emotionally.spiritually.

Time to turn this life back on track

not really sure where to start.

I'm working on self control

and denying myself.

I'm continually tested with decisions

and today I made a good one.

It's not much but...

i'm taking baby steps.

we all got our vulnerable times.

& i'm just not used to it.

i haven't felt like this for awhile.

Oh Daily Life...

It's week two.

I'm a 4th year and yesterday I got lost and couldn't find my disc class for the longest time. -______- I had to call my friends and one of them looked it up online where my class was. Turns out I went to the wrong building and went to HH instead of HIB. Fail. And then walking back home, this little white blonde girl tried to holler at me from her car when her mom picked her up from dance class. She literally leaned out her car window and said "wassup" with the head nod and half eyes opened thing. Wow...

But anyways, I can't believe it's only the start of week two because I feel like i've been here for a month already. Crazy! But Irvine life is good. It's a different feel being a senior. Everyone looked so young when I first went to campus. I feel like a BOSS as I strut on campus to my classes. hahaha jk Anyways, I just need to find a job now and my life will be temporarily complete. :)

Perhaps a more insightful entry later.

Don't Ever Settle

Settling often also leads to wonders of "what could have's." Settling solves things temporary but in the long run it leads to dissatisfaction. By not settling, you persevere despite temptations or because you're tired and want the easy way out or you've grown impatient. Instead you hold out for what you want and that's where true happiness lies.

"Don't ever settle"

Sophomore year in college, that was written all up on my mirrors and post it's. There are times to settle, like when you're in a ridiculous argument with a good friend and you just gotta take it and leave it there, but we're not talking about those moments. I didn't realize till a couple weeks ago that I was settling the past year or two and up till really recently I was in denial with myself about it. The great thing is that once you identify the problem, you can solve it. So i'm going back to the start & I'm not going to settle anymore. Things will be done pure of heart with good intentions. But I gotta constantly remind myself. And I pray for God to help me keep myself accountable.

& He said to me...

why are you in a hurry

there are greater things out there

Finally...time for me to sit and blog and veg out.

After having a conversation with a friend of mine a couple days ago, I realized that i'm not where I want to be. It was definitely an unwanted feeling as I realized where I was. So I decided to take more evasive action in the purging of my life. This requires letting go. People often let go because they've been hurt and it's part of the healing process. But in my situation, i'm letting go before that even happens, so i'm letting go of possibilities. That's a tough one because you're letting go and leaving behind the wonder of what could of. What could have happened if I made that choice? But I don't need "what could have's?" Those kind of fck up with your mind. It's hard to let go but I need belief that God's got this one. People think i'm strong and I am but I believe I lead people on to think i'm stronger than I actually am because I want them to be strong women too. But as I come to terms with the fact that i'm not as strong as i'd like to be, I need to make smart decisions. And smart decisions include knowing where I stand and leaving things behind.

& I feel good about this. My heart is finally at ease.

Spiraling Down

Damn, I think it happened again without me knowing.

& I don't like it one bit.

Habits are dangerous things.

I need something stronger than me to pull me out of this quicksand.

ASAP.