After having a conversation with a friend of mine a couple days ago, I realized that i'm not where I want to be. It was definitely an unwanted feeling as I realized where I was. So I decided to take more evasive action in the purging of my life. This requires letting go. People often let go because they've been hurt and it's part of the healing process. But in my situation, i'm letting go before that even happens, so i'm letting go of possibilities. That's a tough one because you're letting go and leaving behind the wonder of what could of. What could have happened if I made that choice? But I don't need "what could have's?" Those kind of fck up with your mind. It's hard to let go but I need belief that God's got this one. People think i'm strong and I am but I believe I lead people on to think i'm stronger than I actually am because I want them to be strong women too. But as I come to terms with the fact that i'm not as strong as i'd like to be, I need to make smart decisions. And smart decisions include knowing where I stand and leaving things behind.
& I feel good about this. My heart is finally at ease.
I think too many times I've thought it was great having alot of "what could have's"- and it took a while for me to realize this, but whenever I languish in a lounge of possibilities, I'm not actually living life. I'm letting life pass right by. I can't say I know what exactly makes a "great" life, but I know that great lives aren't lived out before making decisions; they're lived during and after.
ReplyDeleteso bravo, miss whats wong. I hope I understood what you were writing about.
If I didn't, lemme know.