Tell Tales

Everyone has a tell tale, a sign of what the person is feeling.

Usually it comes in the form of an involuntarily, physical action. The way their left eye twitches or their lips quiver or how they can't look at you in the eye. Each explain an emotion that you can't or rather, don't wish to tell. When people find out your tell tales, it can be a good thing at times but sometimes it can feel like you just gave a secret of yours by accident. Tell tales are the worst in poker.

You know how animals have a 6th sense so that when they sense danger, like an earthquake, they know it's coming and run away to safety. When it comes to me, and I see all the tell tales sign that my friend is getting ready to blow up, instead of running for cover, I like to stay, survive through all the destruction and find out what's going on. I've noticed maybe a year ago that my fault is that when there's a conflict, for some reason I always seem to have the need to play devil's advocate. I always try to get them to see the other side because I see reason in it when in reality sometimes a person just needs be listened to and to have me side with them in everything, despite my opinion. It's part of comforting, it's part of being a good friend. The trick is learning how to discern the situations that call for different things because sometimes your friend needs to hear the truth. And there are the times, that they don't need to at the moment. Cause if I was in some situation where I was really sad or angry, i'd like my friend to back me up rather telling me other things, just to blow off some steam, you know? Some things don't call for rationality just yet. In the end though, the right choices must be made.

It's good to get things written out, it soothes the mind and soul.

Crackberry Whore

So i've joined the blackberry bandwagon last sunday due to the unfortunate death of my voyager on NYE. And yea, i've noticed i've been on my phone a decently increased amount of time. I mean it's only natural since theres instant msging and internet on my phone and with that combination of class......it's bound to happen. But I refuse to be a crackberry whore who's is constantly connected to the network and the world. I don't want to have something on me 24/7 that keeps me connected to the world. It's a bad habit to have to be so dependent on something. I feel so naked without my phone but you know sometimes solitude is refreshing, the idea that you are disconnected from everyone. Unavailable. Unreachable. Alone. It can sound depressing but really, it's liberating.

I mean not saying i'm going to go take a hike a leave my phone at home, because that would be dangerous. But I just want to say, or actually remind myself that I don't need to be on the phone so much because there is life to be lived.

I want to do exciting things. Suggestions? :)

Soul Renovation

I keep really old pamphlets from sunday services in my bible, you know the ones that you felt were too well made to throw away and you feel to bad to throw it in the trash at the church so you tuck it away in your bible, or...maybe thats just me. I was going through the papers in my bible and I have the pamphlets from past retreats where I was a counselor, a couple of thank you letters from cabin girls, a bulletin from my friend's baptism with a small paragraph of their testimonies. It's feels good to have keepsakes of my life in there so I can reminiscence whenever I want. I've come such a long way.

I came across a flyer about soul renovation, some workshop that happened hella days ago and I didn't go to it but those words really stuck out to me. I think i'm at the place where my soul feels a bit weak, I think this is why my body has been so tired these past few days. I'm drained somewhere. Today I picked it up a bit but still, I need to rejuvenate myself. There at times in life where you need to stop, put your life in a still frame and observe. Right now, i'm not exactly pleased. In fact, i'm a little disappointed in myself. It's time to re-evaluate myself and work on self improvement. I want to be a better person. I want to care more, take more risks, invest in more people, invest in myself. I'm going to read more, get my brain working more and hopefully learn a thing or two about life.

I want to write more about my thoughts on things, but I got to get my shut eye to deal with waking up early for class tomorrow. Tired morning Tiffany is not fun. But anyways, change is around the corner. Let's do it.

Every Blessing You Pour Out, I'll Turn Back To Praise

I watched "Nine" recently. It wasn't really my type of movie and I didn't think it was all that great but one thing I took from it is that every girl likes to believe they're special by their man. That they're different from other girls and deserve to be treated differently, with more care. They don't like to be treated as, or thought of as the flavor of week. In the end, no one likes to think that they were like any other girl but instead they were special. Of course this is obvious information though, haha but it amazed me and displeased me how the main character treated his wife and every other girl. Women are meant to be treasured.

I believe God puts you in situations that He knows are testing your limits but still just enough for you to handle as long as you push yourself to. There have been a good amount of situations where I know my head didn't sit right, but I would just convince myself that it's okay and there is good in it. But in the end, I come out of the situation not by my complete choice. God knows better and He knows that i'm still not strong enough to defy my heart and listen to my head so He creates it so that the decision is half made for me and I must follow through. There's not so much as a choice, but obedience. And situations are only half of it, the acts and way you choose to deal with the situation says the most about you. I believe my character is best built in the way I handle things. No matter what, I always strive to take the high road and do things as maturely as I can so I can look back and say, "yeah that was the right thing to do, good job twong." I want to show that when it gets darker, I just shine even brighter. But I realize now that rather than dealing with the consequences, I need to first watch my actions. I don't want to have to do any more damage control. I'm tired of getting hurt and patching myself up. Instead of dealing with the aftermath of situations, i'm going to work on not even placing myself in these situations. I think i'm too naive about certain things and I look too positively about them. It's time to do it right. I want to stick to my ground and make the right choices upfront. But everything, i've gone through, I don't regret them. It's more accepting it for what it is, and to take a lesson and choose what you do with that experience. It's okay, everything is a learning process and I grow stronger. It's amazing how fast things can change and you're thrown into new situations with new goals and a new mindset, but you just gotta keep up and roll with the punches.

One day i'll meet the person that i'll fall in love with. He'll appreciate my horrible sense of humor that's a mix of lame, wacky & sometimes dirty and laugh at them. He'll fall in love with my good traits and love me even more for my flaws. And i'll do the same and learn to support him the best ways I can. And he will treat me like i'm the best thing that ever happened to him because I probably am, shun! hahaha just kidding. :) In the end, he'll be the one I just want to grow old with. And we'll be that cute, old shrunken asian couple you see that still holds hands when they go out. :) Until then..............single life, thas whats up! ;) haaaaaaaaaaa jokes jokes.

It's Called Being Human

i hate this feeling

i hate feeling weak. im a strong person, i really am. but sometimes i lead others on to think i'm stronger than i actually am. sometimes it is because of my pride, and sometimes it is because i care and don't want them to get hurt or feel bad in regards to me.

how can u discern whether or not you should care more for yourself?

when should you just deal and use the experience to make you stronger?

i think too many times i've chosen the latter and i'm really tired.

i hate to admit that i'm not that strong sometimes.

Parties and Mother Stories

If I was allowed to throw the greatest party ever, & all the guests i could invite would be guarented to come I would invite...

Tiffany's Legend...wait for it...dary Guest List:

stephen colbert

for politic comic relief

bobby lee

for some asian lovin'

ellen degeneres

for some lesbian lovin' and comic relief and bc she's just awesome

britney spears

for some crazy. who knows after a few drinks...she & ellen could be best buds.

taylor swift

for some good tunes

kanye west

so he could interrupt her

tiger woods

to start some drama

puck from glee

for some eye candy

the other asian in glee

just because i like them asians

tila tequila

for shits & giggles.

hmmmmmmm i might invite some other people, but that is one legit guest list right there. throw in some food, drinks and me and that would be the most epic party EVAR.

Anyways..........update on the mother stories.

Every time I come home my mom loves to hand me some advice.

There was that one time my mother told me to learn how to bake bc that's what apparently attracts guys.

one month later.....she then advises me that if I date two guys, to not let them know about each other.

Um.

1. Why are you telling me this first of all?

2. Why would you encourage this mom???

3. DUH! Why would I let them know about each other??? That's just common sense! Please mom, your daughter knows whatsup.

haha anyways This morning before I went to church, my mom told me not to drink and drive......because that's obviously very useful information before I go to church. And also because I slept at like 11PM the night before, yes I slept at 11PM on a Saturday night. I am lame, please do not judge. haha And during dinner, my mom tells me that she read that 10% of guys on Christmas day are looking for a one night stand and to be careful to not be tricked by guys...because you know on Christmas night, things get a little crazy..........right..........haha But that is sad and pathetic for guys to look for one night stands on Christmas. Way to try to cash in on someone's holiday loneliness. *sigh*

haha enough blabber. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Baby, It's Getting Cold Outside

You know sometimes when you study, and your leg falls asleep? Like...my left leg right now.......and when this happens while i'm studying, I get really sad and jealous because parts of my body are asleep but I am not! I know it's ridiculous to be jealous of like your own leg, but that's how it is! You wish you were asleep like your foot, but alas you are not and can not. Sigh* Fail. What a tease.

It's getting really cold, and rainy. I don't really like the cold and rain, :( I like warm weather and the sun, so my wardrobe consists mainly of summer wear even though......I am a norcal kid. I'm a little bit of a disgrace to norcal weather bc i'm a baby when it gets to cold weather but whatever, i'll just throw in some hella's and redeem my norcal pride. But anyways when it's cold and rainy, my favorite thing to do is drink hot coco with a lot of marshmallows and sleep listening to the pitter patter of the rain, knowing that I am dry and warm in my bed or.........drinking yogurt soju and eating ddukbokki isn't half bad either. :P Seriously, that hits the spot and reminds me of this one night I had in Hong Kong. :)

Mmmmmmmm, finals are here and I can not wait for them to be over. This quarter has kind of been extreme, I had four classes this quarter, all being upper div classes and one being Econometrics 122B (a.k.a the hardest econ class for Bus. Econ majors). And with those four classes, I have had 7 midterms & 1 group project/paper. What the kwakkkkkkkkkk?!?! MID-terms, as in middle of a term, they're not supposed to be every other week! I literally had a midterm every week, except one week and that is kind of ridic. But whatever, I handled it, decently enough at least.

But all in all, i'm thankful for many things. As for now though.......I wish my professors just believed that I actually learned something and didn't feel the need to test me. C'mon, i'm trustworthy! O:)

sigh* back to studying!