Camaraderie

There is a definite sense of camaraderie in clubbing. Wingmans, groups of girls, they all have a pretty strong sense of camaraderie. For example just yesterday I went out and these 2 guys approached lily & me, and we weren't really down to dance with anyone tonight but to just have some fun and a chill night. The thing is as they swooped in from the front between us and started dancing, I tried to go back to lily and she too also tried to look for me, but the guy in front of me was really good at blocking me. Serious flashbacks of basketball, it was like he was playing man on man defense and I was tryna get at the hoop. They kept us apart of a good 10 seconds till I successfully evaded him through a quick move to the side, using other dancers as screens. That's camaraderie right there, guys going in wingman-ing for each other. So the crowd was pretty diverse crowd which was nice but the crowds basically just stuck to their own. haha Since we weren't going to dance with anyone, lily came up with the idea of dancing near the black guys cause they weren't going to dance with us so we wouldn't have to worry. Pretty good idea. haha That area was our little safe haven for awhile. We probably had the worst "i-dont-wanna-dance-with-you-so-please-leave" sign that night, we didn't even try to make it smooth because when people came up, we'd completely stop dancing and look to the side ceiling or something, so stupid but ey, whatevers. haha Girls really have a sense of camaraderie cause we look out for each other, and save each other. I think there's no better place to witness this than at a club. And i'm sure you boys have been testimonies of that. hahaha Casualties of the night: this one guy basically jumped on me in the front like a hug...but not really and took me completely off guard. So lily tried to pull him off and then he apparently pushed her off to grab me again but as he did that he apparently pushed her back and accidentally hit her in the eye? And then she got angry and told him and i'm not sure he understood cause he shrugged and left? I'm not sure, I was confused but either way, that is the worst. WTF? At least lily's got my back. Overall a pretty chill night and lily said she actually had a lot of fun cause the people there were pretty interesting.

Earlier in the day, my friend was visiting socal so I decided to go get kogi for lunch with her and we ended up waiting in line for the kogi truck for like freakin 3.5 hours and kogi was good but not 3.5 hours good. LE SIGH. It was at the point halfway that we invested so much time in it, that we couldn't leave. Mmm..then we went back to my apt and wolfed it down, then 85 degrees for some bread and pmt. Afterwards we met up with another friend for wine tasting. Now i don't really have an accuired taste for beer or wine so I don't really know how to appreciate it. You sit at the bar and they give you 10 different wines preselected in order for you to try for $25. And each taste is probably like a shots amount worth in the glass. Luckily I did not pay, because i'm not that huge of a wine person and probably my favorite thing was just eating the bread. Overall it was a pretty good day of new things.

i'm hungry now. haha

My Life Is Yours To Enter

As people we are constantly growing and maturing (well most of us haha). Placed in different situations, meeting different types of people or going to new or old places or even countries, it all matters. The Tiffany I am today is not the same Tiffany from high school. Nor am I the same Tiffany from freshman year college, or even the same Tiffany from this past summer. Not to say i'm a totally different person, but i'm constantly learning about people, things and myself and by default, am constantly changing. And in my fourth year of college, all these experiences have built me up to be the person that I am. And I like who I am. Better yet, I love who I am, was and am becoming. That's what really matters. How can you learn to love others, if you can not love yourself? I accept and love who I am. Being genuine and real is the basis of me on which I build everything on. Plus if I wanted to lie to others, i'd fail since i'm a terrible liar (unless for a good cause). What I am is what I want from others. Sometimes I don't know why people try to bring others down. We're made to edify and encourage each others. Some people become cynical and end up wallowing in their self depression, but why would you do that? Why look at negative side of things, when you can look at the positive? You always have a choice, and I think that's one of the most important things to remember. Even if a man were to point a gun at your head and told you to shoot the person in front of you, you still have the choice of whether or not to shoot the person, even though your life is at hand. Choices can be a blessing and also hurtful too. Sometimes I don't like having choices, like when I go to the ARC I like being told what to do, and how to work out. It's just easier. But we're called to make choices and make up our own life stories.

On that note, i'm setting short term goals for myself for this new year.

1. Cook majority of my meals at the apt.

2. Finish The Alchemist & Desiring God by the end of February. (Almost done with The Alchemist right now)

3. Call the parentals and grandma every Saturday or Sunday.

4. Drink a bottle of water a day.

5. Cut back on pmt & spending on unimportant things (i.e. clothes)

6. Devos at least 3x a week.

7. Be more encouraging to others & edify them.

8. Go to pump&sculpt or abs&thighs or step class at the ARC or just plain running once a week.

9. Blog everyday with pictures.

10. Go to disneyland more since I have an annual pass, who wants to go with me?!

11. Get a job so I can feel useful and get some monies.

12. Resist temptations.

Keep me accountable yeah?

Going through some frustrations, emotions but things are good overall. Just waiting for things to settle in my heart. God is the goal.

Rain, Rain Go Away

This morning I came back from class to this. If you can't read it, it says "caution: slippery floor" Lily's work of course. The rain was CRAZY outside today, trees were knocking over, the usually clean Irvine streets were so dirty, and people's umbrellas were capsizing everywhere which makes me sad :( partly because I am one of those people. le sigh. i'm such a weather baby.

all mixed up

What Can Say More Than A Picture?

Took this picture on my phone while walking to class one day.

I could say some things, but I choose not to as decisions are still mine to be made.

But this picture encompasses all that I feel at this moment.

Tell Tales

Everyone has a tell tale, a sign of what the person is feeling.

Usually it comes in the form of an involuntarily, physical action. The way their left eye twitches or their lips quiver or how they can't look at you in the eye. Each explain an emotion that you can't or rather, don't wish to tell. When people find out your tell tales, it can be a good thing at times but sometimes it can feel like you just gave a secret of yours by accident. Tell tales are the worst in poker.

You know how animals have a 6th sense so that when they sense danger, like an earthquake, they know it's coming and run away to safety. When it comes to me, and I see all the tell tales sign that my friend is getting ready to blow up, instead of running for cover, I like to stay, survive through all the destruction and find out what's going on. I've noticed maybe a year ago that my fault is that when there's a conflict, for some reason I always seem to have the need to play devil's advocate. I always try to get them to see the other side because I see reason in it when in reality sometimes a person just needs be listened to and to have me side with them in everything, despite my opinion. It's part of comforting, it's part of being a good friend. The trick is learning how to discern the situations that call for different things because sometimes your friend needs to hear the truth. And there are the times, that they don't need to at the moment. Cause if I was in some situation where I was really sad or angry, i'd like my friend to back me up rather telling me other things, just to blow off some steam, you know? Some things don't call for rationality just yet. In the end though, the right choices must be made.

It's good to get things written out, it soothes the mind and soul.

Crackberry Whore

So i've joined the blackberry bandwagon last sunday due to the unfortunate death of my voyager on NYE. And yea, i've noticed i've been on my phone a decently increased amount of time. I mean it's only natural since theres instant msging and internet on my phone and with that combination of class......it's bound to happen. But I refuse to be a crackberry whore who's is constantly connected to the network and the world. I don't want to have something on me 24/7 that keeps me connected to the world. It's a bad habit to have to be so dependent on something. I feel so naked without my phone but you know sometimes solitude is refreshing, the idea that you are disconnected from everyone. Unavailable. Unreachable. Alone. It can sound depressing but really, it's liberating.

I mean not saying i'm going to go take a hike a leave my phone at home, because that would be dangerous. But I just want to say, or actually remind myself that I don't need to be on the phone so much because there is life to be lived.

I want to do exciting things. Suggestions? :)

Soul Renovation

I keep really old pamphlets from sunday services in my bible, you know the ones that you felt were too well made to throw away and you feel to bad to throw it in the trash at the church so you tuck it away in your bible, or...maybe thats just me. I was going through the papers in my bible and I have the pamphlets from past retreats where I was a counselor, a couple of thank you letters from cabin girls, a bulletin from my friend's baptism with a small paragraph of their testimonies. It's feels good to have keepsakes of my life in there so I can reminiscence whenever I want. I've come such a long way.

I came across a flyer about soul renovation, some workshop that happened hella days ago and I didn't go to it but those words really stuck out to me. I think i'm at the place where my soul feels a bit weak, I think this is why my body has been so tired these past few days. I'm drained somewhere. Today I picked it up a bit but still, I need to rejuvenate myself. There at times in life where you need to stop, put your life in a still frame and observe. Right now, i'm not exactly pleased. In fact, i'm a little disappointed in myself. It's time to re-evaluate myself and work on self improvement. I want to be a better person. I want to care more, take more risks, invest in more people, invest in myself. I'm going to read more, get my brain working more and hopefully learn a thing or two about life.

I want to write more about my thoughts on things, but I got to get my shut eye to deal with waking up early for class tomorrow. Tired morning Tiffany is not fun. But anyways, change is around the corner. Let's do it.