Don't Ever Settle

Settling often also leads to wonders of "what could have's." Settling solves things temporary but in the long run it leads to dissatisfaction. By not settling, you persevere despite temptations or because you're tired and want the easy way out or you've grown impatient. Instead you hold out for what you want and that's where true happiness lies.

"Don't ever settle"

Sophomore year in college, that was written all up on my mirrors and post it's. There are times to settle, like when you're in a ridiculous argument with a good friend and you just gotta take it and leave it there, but we're not talking about those moments. I didn't realize till a couple weeks ago that I was settling the past year or two and up till really recently I was in denial with myself about it. The great thing is that once you identify the problem, you can solve it. So i'm going back to the start & I'm not going to settle anymore. Things will be done pure of heart with good intentions. But I gotta constantly remind myself. And I pray for God to help me keep myself accountable.

& He said to me...

why are you in a hurry

there are greater things out there

Finally...time for me to sit and blog and veg out.

After having a conversation with a friend of mine a couple days ago, I realized that i'm not where I want to be. It was definitely an unwanted feeling as I realized where I was. So I decided to take more evasive action in the purging of my life. This requires letting go. People often let go because they've been hurt and it's part of the healing process. But in my situation, i'm letting go before that even happens, so i'm letting go of possibilities. That's a tough one because you're letting go and leaving behind the wonder of what could of. What could have happened if I made that choice? But I don't need "what could have's?" Those kind of fck up with your mind. It's hard to let go but I need belief that God's got this one. People think i'm strong and I am but I believe I lead people on to think i'm stronger than I actually am because I want them to be strong women too. But as I come to terms with the fact that i'm not as strong as i'd like to be, I need to make smart decisions. And smart decisions include knowing where I stand and leaving things behind.

& I feel good about this. My heart is finally at ease.

Spiraling Down

Damn, I think it happened again without me knowing.

& I don't like it one bit.

Habits are dangerous things.

I need something stronger than me to pull me out of this quicksand.

ASAP.

Change In Scenery

All of a sudden, I just got really excited about coming back to Irvine.

Goal: I'm supposed to be back today.

Fact: I just woke up and showered and have not started to pack at all.

FAIL. I'll most likely be coming in tuesday instead.

WHICH MEANS I WANT TO HIT UP VERDE AGAIN AT ITS NEW LOCATION!!! It just opened yesterday! All you norcal/cupertino/san jose/saratoga kids know what i'm talking about.

This summer was an eventful one. Half of it in Cambridge, England and the other half in home sweet home. Kicking it with many old friends, kicking it with new friends and sometimes kicking it with these new people and automatically wanting to just kick them in the faces, but it's all good.

I've learned I adapt well to any location whether it's going abroad or coming back home or whatever, but i'm ready for this change back to irvine. I was kinda really not looking forward going back to irvine for awhile but then I started to get bored with life...haha Plus, I need a new surrounding for me to figure things out. Spice it up a bit nawsimsayin? Senior year is finally here and it's gonna go fast. I don't want to be pressured into making the most out of everything. So we will not have none of this "last welcome week"/"last fall quarter"/"last winter quarter"/"last blahblahblah" crap. Instead this year is going to be plain awesome and legendary.

I'm excited why? Because i'm ready.

I'm ready to invest in people.

I'm ready to filter out my life.

I'm ready to work hard.

I'm ready to have muscle memory to the library.

I'm ready to play.

I'm ready to spend late nights/early mornings with the people I love.

I'm ready to drive an hour away for some good food.

I'm ready to start this year.

I'm ready to get on with my life.

Instigator

Some people bring out the best in you and some people bring out the worst.

Which makes you wonder...do you bring out the best or worst in others?

I'd like to believe I bring out the best, but........who am I kidding? I have too much attitude. hahaha

Honestly, i'm an honest person who likes to keep it real. But many times I find myself of crossing the line of being honest to being blunt, which is no good. Because I believe that people should just be real and not fake, I find myself not even trying to censor my thoughts. Just like how lighting is seen before thunder is heard, my mouth is heard before my mind comprehends. Cause I am who am, and you can just take it or leave it. But I really think that I need to tweak my habits a bit. No one's ever come up to me and say "hey, you hurt my feelings" or whatever shizz like that and actually people have told me they like how i'm so real and honest BUTTTTTTTT i'm sure that i've might have accidently stepped on some toes here and there so I gotta keep myself in line. I care for others and I gotta watch in the way I act out that care.

I want to bring out the best in people.

We're In This Together

I love reading my friends' blog, especially when it's something about what's going on in their lives. In a very post-secret-feel, I feel so connected to them without even having to directly talk to them. We're all people who have issues and that's fact. And I love that.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

I've been evalutaing my life for a long while now and i've ignored things in my life. But I need to stop ignoring them and take care of them before I wreck myself without even knowing it. I've made wrong choices. Sometimes I make wrong choices knowingly because i'm tired of caring and doing the right thing. And I want to make the wrong choice. I just wanna have fun while being safe at the same time even though I know I shouldn't be doing what it is i'm doing. First off, just to avoid worry, i'm not talking about drugs or anything real crazy.

I really need to purge a lot of things in my life. I've written that line in my journal countless times and have had countless entries where I started to write that but then only to delete it because I didn't know how nor did I want to explain it. And I still don't really know how to explain. More like I don't know how much I really want to share over the internet. That's the problem, often we write posts or something on facebook or AIM profiles that we share only a little, and its cryptic because we want people to know, but at the same time we don't. As result, we leave mystery hoping for that one person or people to know what you're trying to say without you having to say it.

I keep on saying that I need to purge my life, but I need to actually start doing it.

Maybe next entry, i'll share the things I need to purge.